


After the Nightmare

by lanime17



Category: SEAL Team (TV)
Genre: Episode 03x15: Rules of Engagement, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:53:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23634151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanime17/pseuds/lanime17
Summary: Events following Jason's nightmare at the beginning of Rules of Engagement.
Relationships: Jason Hayes/Natalie Pierce
Comments: 6
Kudos: 8





	After the Nightmare

Flashes of light blinded his vision. Explosions deafened him. A pain of loss and helplessness overcame him. He reached out but grasped only thin air. He ran but fell. He wasn’t able to save them. He wasn’t able to save any of them. He clutched whatever was in his reach, fiercely. He felt his body being wielded intensely by unknown and unidentified forces. He’s holding onto anything he can with clenched fists. He can’t make it stop. He can’t.

He sees the moonlit room and can’t tell where he is. He hears a voice, but can’t identify it.

“Jason, you okay? Ok, okay I’m here.”

He reaches for his smelling salts by the bed, part of him understanding where he is, but not fully comprehending that he is safe. His body and brain are battling each other, neither knowing which dominant force will prevail. One sniff, two, three - finally jars the body and the brain into parallel directions. He finally realizes he’s scared as hell, knowing Natalie has seen his weakness once again. Bravo One is not weak. Bravo One gets shit done. 

“Fine. I’m fine,” he mutters, hand to his head trying to reason with himself. Is he fine? Yes, Bravo One is always fine. Bravo One can get through anything for anyone, anywhere. But Jason...Jason Hayes is another matter. “I’m good, just...just had a nightmare, that’s all.” Jason can admit his weaknesses like nightmares, but Bravo One - there is no weakness for Bravo One. His two personalities are constantly in conflict with each other. Gotta’ be strong gotta’ be tough, gotta’ keep everyone safe, even if that means sacrificing himself. He once was Jason Hayes and now he is Bravo One because going back to Jason Hayes, well that takes a lot more courage than even Bravo One can muster. Jason Hayes is his past, Bravo One is his future, regardless of what Lindell or anyone else has to say about it. Bravo One will save everyone, even Jason Hayes. 

He’s shaking and his breath hitches in and out. He has to check the perimeter. He has to ensure the safety of his charge. He looks quickly from left to right, up and down. He scans the entrances of his small space. This is second nature to Bravo One, who is taking over for Jason Hayes who just can’t cut it right now and is too weak to be strong. He coughs out the weakness, a sickness he can simply expel. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” The voice is far away, through a cloud of fog and down a deep tunnel. He can barely hear anything other than the pounding in his own ears. The explosions of his own heart beating. 

He rises from the bed, checking the nearest window for potential threats. The metal mini-blinds clang lightly as they bounce into one another with his forceful grip. His breathing still ragged, he just wants control. He wants to be in control of his body and his brain at the same time. Clash of courage and cognition. “No, I said I’m fine.” 

Bravo One is taking over. Bravo One is taking control of the situation and protecting Jason Hayes from the weaknesses that lurk beneath the surface, the ghosts lingering in his subconscious. Natalie responds with an, “Okay.” But who knows if it is heard. He turns away from the bed, focused on the opposite wall and potential breachable points in the pathetic excuse he deems acceptable as a living space he has forced himself to call ‘home’. 

“I’m okay,” he says in her general direction as he looks left and right, making his way across the room. “I just need a little time is all.” 

He says this to appease her, but really he is reassuring himself. He needs time. He needs time to process, time to grieve, time to figure out who he is, what he wants and how to get it. Who wins? Bravo One or Jason Hayes. It is so much easier to let Bravo One win, to let the Master Chief take charge and let Jason Hayes die. Bravo One will save him, but will Jason Hayes surrender?

He sniffs and exhales, over and over again the length of the room. ‘Get control’ Bravo One barks this command to the mind of Jason Hayes. Jason wants to follow the order, make Bravo One proud. But how can he follow an order when he can’t quite make a straight line as he crosses to the far window. His two personalities are struggling for superiority. Finally, making it to the far egress point, he surveys the outside world, ensuring there are no dangers imminently encroaching. 

“Come back to bed,” Natalie’s voice comes from a distance, but more clear and coherent than before. 

“Just give me a little time, okay,” Jason asks, his voice quavering. He presses his hand against the door jamb ensuring it is sealed and secure. How does he fortify this potential breach? How does he keep everyone safe? He couldn’t protect Alana. He has pushed his children so far away he barely sees them. His team is on the verge of leaving him with Ray gunning for a promotion and Clay one foot out the door. Little did he know that Sonny would be reassigned due to his mis-step in a local bar on the same night he was trying to keep his shit together after a relatively normal night out with Natalie. 

He rubs his hand across his face, trying to wipe away the fear and the shame of the emotion he is afraid has escaped from his hard exterior. His head is pounding and he swears he can hear sirens and see flashing light, but all of this is in his head. Separating reality from his past overwhelms him and he sucks in a breath as he slides down the exterior wall, his back scraping down the window sill and scoring his skin until he feels the floor support him from below. He hangs his head between his knees seeking a source of air to save him. This is a bad one. This one is tough. He can get through it, it will just take more time than normal. 

Natalie sees him hit the floor and is at his side before he can tell her that he is fine. She doesn’t say anything, she just sits in front of him. She doesn’t touch him, knowing full well he may not even be in the same moment. She waits longer than she wants and then speaks his name softly. “Jase?”

It takes him several seconds to realize she is there, with him, in his apartment. He raises his head slowly, almost drunkenly to meet her gaze. His body is there, but his mind is still catching up. She holds his gaze until he starts to come back. His glassy eyes slowly become clear and she knows that he is seeing her, the real her, in the real world. 

“What can I do?” she asks. 

“Nothing. I’m fine, I said.” Jason realizes he is sitting and quickly rises. “It was a nightmare. It’s not real. Let’s go to bed.” He heads for the bed and Natalie follows, casually reaching for his hand as it swings backward with his stride. At her touch he whirls around and whips his hand to block her grasp, nearly slapping her away, but not fully realizing what he’s doing. Instantly he regrets his knee-jerk reaction and begins apologizing. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, please forgive me.”

He collapses to the floor knowing he would never want to hurt Natalie intentionally. He curls into himself and curses himself and pounds on the floor with his fist. She rounds his body, heaped in a pile and crouches down in front of him. “It’s ok. It’s okay Jason.”

Hearing his name is the word that breaks his spell. He reaches for her. He holds her so tight, continuing to whisper in her ear, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, please.” His breathing is uneven and he’s just trying to compose what is left of his, Jason’s, dignity. 

“It’s ok. Let’s just get you back to bed.” Natalie helps him to his feet, nearly his full weight leaning on her. Jason Hayes has beaten down the mighty Bravo One tonight. She steers him to the bed, where she settles him down and crawls in to face him. She cradles his head to her chest. She strokes his hair and reassures him he is ok, he is safe, and that she is here. This isn’t the first time Natalie has eased an inconsolable Jason Hayes into a state of assurance. She knew what she was getting into the moment she met him and has assured him she is ‘all in’. It takes about an hour, but finally Jason’s breath becomes even and slow and the clenched jaw he so often displays relaxes as does his brow. All she can hope is that he sleeps peacefully for the remainder of the night and that in the morning, Jason Hayes will be there next to her.


End file.
